Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Time passes

 Time passes very fast these days. Seem like since I started school I have not spent much time writing. Where do I begin........Summer came quickly then left just as fast. I started back in school on my third semester and still loving learning all about my body. I am always apologizing when I do not write, but to be honest I had so much going on that it has been difficult to find the time.

 My health has been not great. I have now been off humira for 8 months and feeling great not to have these drugs in my system but I am suffering super high inflammation levels and stiffness beyond anything I could remember. I trying to stay positive. Arthrtitis just has mind of it's own. I can not figure out what triggers the off and on again symptoms. I will say although being on the humira made me feel like I could be gummby on a daily basis, it also gave me a false preception of my body. Not being on any meds has been very hard. I noticed almost right away a change in my attitude, how depressed I feel and how I need to learn how to find a balance. When I was on the meds it's like I never was diagnosed with anything because I always felt better after my shot. My biggest struggle is sleeping, and getting through the night without being uncomfortable.Things like tieing my hair up, and getting in and out of a car is also an issue again. It is so hard to dig deep put on a happy face when all I want to do is scream at the top of my lungs. Mentally I am having a hard time thinking about the future. How does one not let this determine their path........What I do know is I am willing to accept that recently I discovered that I make my happiness by spending money, by eating whatever, drinking whenever....I do all these things to give me some form of happiness. I finally hit a wall this past week when I decided that doing all those things does not really make me happy. It just gets me into debt, over weight and with a headache. I have been dealing with my depresssion in such a manor yet asking no one for help. So with that all being said this week in a new week for me. eating better, cut up the credit card and promised myself to make positive changes for my health. I am using the people around me to keep me on tract. Staying positive is the biggest battle and I am not going to give up. Hey at least I  can look in the mirror everyday and be honest with what I am doing instead of trying to hide under a rock. Right??? I came across this quote and felt it was fitting.

Staying positive,

With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.” – Dr. Wayne W Dyer