Time passes very fast these days. Seem like since I started school I have not spent much time writing. Where do I begin........Summer came quickly then left just as fast. I started back in school on my third semester and still loving learning all about my body. I am always apologizing when I do not write, but to be honest I had so much going on that it has been difficult to find the time.
My health has been not great. I have now been off humira for 8 months and feeling great not to have these drugs in my system but I am suffering super high inflammation levels and stiffness beyond anything I could remember. I trying to stay positive. Arthrtitis just has mind of it's own. I can not figure out what triggers the off and on again symptoms. I will say although being on the humira made me feel like I could be gummby on a daily basis, it also gave me a false preception of my body. Not being on any meds has been very hard. I noticed almost right away a change in my attitude, how depressed I feel and how I need to learn how to find a balance. When I was on the meds it's like I never was diagnosed with anything because I always felt better after my shot. My biggest struggle is sleeping, and getting through the night without being uncomfortable.Things like tieing my hair up, and getting in and out of a car is also an issue again. It is so hard to dig deep put on a happy face when all I want to do is scream at the top of my lungs. Mentally I am having a hard time thinking about the future. How does one not let this determine their path........What I do know is I am willing to accept that recently I discovered that I make my happiness by spending money, by eating whatever, drinking whenever....I do all these things to give me some form of happiness. I finally hit a wall this past week when I decided that doing all those things does not really make me happy. It just gets me into debt, over weight and with a headache. I have been dealing with my depresssion in such a manor yet asking no one for help. So with that all being said this week in a new week for me. eating better, cut up the credit card and promised myself to make positive changes for my health. I am using the people around me to keep me on tract. Staying positive is the biggest battle and I am not going to give up. Hey at least I can look in the mirror everyday and be honest with what I am doing instead of trying to hide under a rock. Right??? I came across this quote and felt it was fitting.
With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.” – Dr. Wayne W Dyer