Friday, March 23, 2012


 This week has brought alot of new things into my life. On Monday I was unsure of how I would be feeling this week. I have been having some minor issues with my injections and them not lasting through the two week period, so I have noticed alot of my symptoms coming back. I am sure everyone else has noticed as well but the limping and the stiffness, also the mood change due to frustrations. The interesting thing is when you are living with a chronic disease you almost just adjust to the pain levels, and after a while what you think is a hard time just passes like the days. Once I was put on the Humira I soon realized how I was living. I realized how bad I really was and what "good" felt like. Now after my first year on Humira I have defiantly learned alot about my body and how I handle things. I know when I am going to get sick and when I need to take a time out and not do so much. The support this year has truly been amazing. Roger has been there for every shot and helped me through the mental, and physical end of things and my family has been a very positive source of energy. My friends old and new have taken my mind off the current situations. Overall I can not believe it has almost been a year. This week started off covered in a clouds and Tuesday was a difficult and frustrating day but ended with some tear of joy and a new love in my life.The story goes like this......
 I recently had been discussing with Roger that I thought we should get a dog. After looking everyday at the SPCA, shelters and dog reserves I found a couple sweet potential puppy's. We first met "Carlin" together this past Sunday. Roger had already been to meet him early last week but we decided to go check out this pup together last Sunday. Once meeting him we knew he was going to be a big dog but we had a connection and he kind of stole my heart. When we left the Vancouver SPCA we had filled out some forms to foster him. "Carlin" who's name is now Hutch, had a cold. He was in isolation and we wanted to foster him to get him out of the SPCA and get him well. We also thought it was a great opportunity to see how well he would do. Since no one can pin what his background of breed is we thought it would be great to check his temperament. Long story short we bought toys, borrowed a kennel got him everything he would need for a good stay with us to only be called on Tuesday and find out he was no longer up for fostering. Roger called and asked me to make the decision to adopt of just forget about him. Apparently there was such a demand for this little guy that they were ready to adopt him out that day. As the day went on I knew I had a big appointment with the specialist and needed to focus on that, not a dog I did not have. After my appointment I was talking with my mom and was upset about my frustrating appointment. I went in with that positive attitude only to be told that I am not doing as well as expected and they are upping my dosage. This would require a injection every 10 days instead if every 14 days. Ultimately I do not want to be doing the injections every 2 weeks let alone every 10 days. I kept telling myself that I was doing really well....I mean I can get through a 7k run right??? Yeah I am in discomfort but my mind takes over and I push myself through it. So now I am faced with the added injection which on the bright side may be my missing link I need. I can not think about long term effects of this medication I need to think of the "Now" I need to be present and try this and go with it. I sat in my car a while trying to figure out why I was so upset. Was it that I felt disappointed in myself? Maybe I am not doing enough? maybe I am doing to much? Maybe I need more vitamins? Then as I talked to myself in my car I wish it would all go away.........I am just scared, I scared for my mood, for my future for the next stages. I always try to fight the tears but clearly I have been a bit depressed. Although I may not think I am my doctor claimed that I am suffering from depression and I am always fighting it everyday.....Just wanting to be normal after feeling like this situation is unfair is totally normal. I never want anyone to feel pity, or sorry for me so I just Carry on. It was very apparent to me on Tuesday that I now see the depression. I got home and decided to go sit in the shower. the day had been so taxing between the dog and the appointment I just felt nothing was going my way. ..................this is where the story takes a turn.........I heard a heart stopped and I started to cry. I quickly got out of the shower to be greeted by "Hutch" Roger then informed me that he went to the SPCA and decided that he would adopt him and since we had already filled out all the forms we had first dibbs. I was thrilled. What a great surprise. Roger knew how good it would be for me to have a dog, for walks for happiness and I was over the moon with excitement. That is when we decided that the he needed to have a new name "Hutch" instead of Carlin. My day had quickly gone from frustrating to filled with a new member to our little family.
 The past couple days have been alot of work but well worth it. My mood is different I am excited go home and take him out, I am  excited to go explore with him, take him camping and just love him. There has been many studies done on pets and depression. The big question is do pets help with depression? I can tell you first had along with many others that that answer is a big YES. Psychologist, scientists, doctors , vets all agree that pets are good for mental and physical health. Most pet owners that suffered with depression now have a better nights sleep, and their overall health is better which in return means less visits to the doctors office. When we take the focus off ourselves and focus our energy on caring for something else like a pet it helps with our daily lives. A study done showed woman between that age 25-40 suffering from depression exercised more, felt more positive, were happier, and their overall health was better after getting a pet. Now the pet does not just have to be a dog. It can be a hamster, bird, cat whatever floats your boat really. It is that fact that focus is no longer spent on over thinking, and since loneliness and the feeling of being alone goes hand in hand with depression studies have shown that having a pets does battle these two things. The love from a pet is unconditional, they always great you, love you and never judge. I am so excited to see what Hutch will do for me. I feel like the timing is perfect. I feel like I have so much love to give him and in return he is going to help me with my battles.

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