What you see is not how I feel.....

Very interesting night last night!! I volunteered at the Blue Bird Gala for the arthritis society. What a great event. I met so many different people who all treated me so great. I was very honored to be able to hear a woman speak about her life and living with arthritis. I felt like she was talking about all the things I constantly think about. I got extremely choked up as I heard her tell her story. Although she has a different type of arthritis I still find the stories that all arthritis patients have to be alot alike. Today I changed my status on face book with a quote someone said. To sum it up the quote it said......although you may see me and I look normal to you inside I am struggling. We are often afraid to express how we feel about our situations. We get worried about how others will feel or judge. Everyone struggles in some way. Last night I was surrounded by people who made me feel like I did not have to be embarrassed are ashamed of my situation. I often think because I look normal and seem it that maybe I am nuts to think others will listen and understand. For the most part people are very understanding but I do meet others who pass alot of judgement. It was so great to hear someone talk about how afraid they were for certain aspects of life. The raw truth is this....although we seem like we have it together I am almost 100 percent sure that we all at some point sit and worry about our future with a debilitating disease. I want children but will I be able to? I want a good job but will I be able to be with a employer that long term will understand the disease? I want to be able to everything I can but part of me is scared about my future. Who will take care of me? will I end up with hip surgery? or even using a walker.......These are just a few questions I can not answer. I try not to think about them to much but last night while Trish was speaking I felt like I was listening to all the things I feel. I am scared, there is no question about it, I can take medication to make everything seem great, and I can have a positive outlook but deep down I am scared. I know as long as I keep living a healthy meaningful honest life I will always feel like there is hope but, I am not afraid to tell you that I am scared. I like to participate in events for the arthritis society because it reminds me I am not alone in this battle. I have so much support and so much love that I know I will conquer all my obstacles. In life we must not be afraid to show who we are. Sometimes be vulnerable and let people in. Last night Trish made a huge impact on me and I hope that in turn I can impact someone aswell.