Tuesday, November 1, 2011


So I work in the floral industry....which means I start early. I generally getup at 3:45am each day. I know what you are thinking...I am crazy. I have been doing this for a very long time even before I was diagnosed.Mornings are my worst without a question. I hobble, walk funny and am beyond stiff. I really try to just get up and get everything ready and leave. I am constantly asking myself why I am working in the cold, early morning environment.......It is absolutely freezing in here. The cooler runs at 1degree and whatever the temperature is outside it is in here. Today this morning it was 5 degrees. I think more and more about my future and what I will end up doing. I am constantly told that I should not be working in this environment, and that I am destined for more. I have thought about what it would be like not to work and frankly I would go nuts! Lets be honest most people hate their jobs. I work with people that I am almost 100 percent sure they hate their job. The problem is this, my arthritis has put a certain hold on me placed limits I feel like in some respects it holds me back a bit. I feel afraid that because I do not know what the future will hold for me so sometimes I find I wait for things to just happen. I worry about applying for other jobs and having to tell them about my situation. Although people say they do not discriminate, they still do. I feel like in my life I have had some wild ideas and dreams that I  just have been to afraid to do. Now I struggle with the fact that I am planning on going to an information session at BCIT Wednesday and I am 33yrs old and feel like I have no idea what direction I want to go. I love so many things. So as I let you know what I would like to do maybe you can think about what makes you happy and if you are following your right path.....

I grew up dancing, singing, and being part of a dance school for most of my life. I was okay with ballet but I really excelled in musical theatre, jazz, and tap. I would say I think I was outgoing, but also shy. When I hit 21 I decided to head down to the Roxy with a girlfriend after work. They had extreme karaoke. After listening to her I was wishing I could get on the stage. After 4 times attending I convinced the DJ to let me get up and sing on stage with now one in the club yet. So he did and halfway through my song the crowd of extreme karaoke singers all started to poor in. My legs shaking, my heart was beating...I was nervous, scared and so insecure. The next time we went I drank a little and got up and sang Richard Marks. That night I can in first won a nice bar tab then was told I would be heading to the finals.....LOL FINALS!!! at the Roxy. So about a month later I got to go back and sing two songs....the first was heaven by Bryan Adams second was hooked on a feeling (bad choice) My friends and family came and I sang my heart out. I did not win but I came in second. I met a girl in the bathroom that night, she said don't give this up you are so good...I thanked her but lets be honest she was super intoxicated...or was she????she said..what ever you do always sing. She made me promise her that I would continue this journey .My mom bought me a guitar in hope I would learn to play and sing.......I still have the guitar and I can not play it YET......

Well after this I don't know what happened but I became full of stage fright. It was a after a long relationship I met someone new and we went on a trip to Mexico. One night I think we did numerous shots and they had karaoke at the open stage that held about 500 people. Long story short I got up again and sang Bryan Adams Heaven......I received a standing ovation (keep in mind anyone sounds good when you are drunk) and I had fun also the tequila really helped!!!!
Now I am 33 I sing in my car and I think about things that make me happy in the morning. I love music, I wish that I was educated on only music because I love it. I wish I could play my guitar, my moms piano and read music.

When I think about my dream job in life I think of a couple things. I would love now to help people with arthritis, or a job that is rewarding at the end of the day. I would like to look back at my day and say I made a difference in someones life. We could also go the other spectrum.....I would love to be somehow in music...I think I have this amazing ear for music, singers and what is a good. I wish I knew what path to take. So off to the information session at BCIT on Wednesday to look into some options. Human resources, broadcasting, and health sciences. The next stage in my life MUST be amazing.....I am destined to do something amazing I can feel it and if I don't then I am going to keep trying to be amazing arthritis and all to set a good example. The past couple weeks when I was not feeling well I decided that if I just wait for things to happen they will not, and if I let my arthritis stop me from being great then I am letting it win. I am hoping that I magically can come up with extra money to pursue a new path but all in good time. My medications and living kinda sucks up my money. There is not alot of programs for regular folk to get extra money to help pay for school, so I may have to get another job....LMAO....DREAM BIG!!!!! Maybe I will win the lottery......Fingers crossed. I just don't want to be standing there in 20 years wishing I did more or didn't do enough.

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